Someone to hold on to.

CHANGES

2010-02-28T03:43:00.000-08:00

Hey, people. I'm changing to weebly. So link me there okay? Sorry for the trouble =]

neverpromise.weebly.com

2010-02-26T05:25:00.000-08:00

Common tests are finally over. Feeling demoralised right now. Gonna fail lots of paper. Never felt so lost after exams. If this continues, I'll be going to combine. Not that it is bad, of course. Just that I don't want to. I feel so stressed at times. When I suddenly just wanna cry and scream. Is that weird? Maybe. But I just depressed. I have no freaking idea why. Maybe, its because I have mum who asks too much. I just can't do Maths or Physics. I'm slipping in every area. My life is a mess. I'm getting numb from everything. I just wanna lie there forever and stop time. But what can I do? Nothing. I'm sure there are teens out there who feel the same way as I do. But I have no idea how to deal with this. Yea, I should feel optimistic right? I should look at the better side of things. Saying is easier than doing. How can you admire the marine view while you're drowning?

Opinions can be easily changed. I may be loving you today, but I may be hating you just as much tomorrow. FYI, this doesn't only applies to BGR. Its just that people, humans change so quickly. I shifted my vision for a second, turned back and I can hardly recognise you. What happened? I know we change, the world is constantly moving too. But how drastically you've changed. Its not that I don't love you, its that you used to be so much better.

Miss you guys

2010-02-20T07:31:00.000-08:00

今天，我终于发现要忘记心爱的人有多难。不管是男女朋友，还是家人，都一样难忘。把 minyi 和 dydy 送到机场，再回家。几乎每个人都在哭。到家后，不管把目光放在哪里，都有他们的痕迹。心里很不好受，但又逞强不肯把心情透漏出来。只好很狼狈地躲在厕所偷偷的落泪。好不容易控制住泪水，一到房间，眼前的一切又让我想起他们。一切都好像很不愿意让我们忘记他们的离开。好伤感哦。

Thoughts

2010-02-17T05:38:00.000-08:00

Was on the way home when I saw this thing lying on the road. Upon closer look, it was a dog. A black and large one. Our car just drove by, like dozens before us. I was shocked, it was obviously knocked down by a car. And left on the road? I was speechless, ashamed, upset. How can anyone just knock down an animal and leave it there? It might have been alive and might have a chance to live if you get it to the vet in time. But all because of you selfishness, of your afraid-to-pay, a life was lost. If you knock down a human and manage to not run away and dial 995. Why can't you do so for an animal. I seriously do not see the difference, a dog can be just as smart, even more loyal. Thus it definitely deserves equal or more respect than some humans. I was ashamed that we did not stop to take a look at the dog and see what we can do about it. It was selfish of us. But its a lesson learnt all the same. And, if you happen to knock down an animal, come across one, stop whatever you are doing and do something about the dog. Just as what you do about a human.

2010-02-12T05:44:00.000-08:00

Those people who wants to or already committed suicide are dumb. I mean seriously dumb. You're committing suicide for your own sake. Have you ever gave a thought to those will be grieving over your death? Don't use the being-burden-to-them excuse. Even with you gone, they won't feel any better. You might affect your kids, affect your other half's life. In fact the whole family will be affected by your death. Nobody will be happy because you're dead, no matter its because there's less one mouth to feed or because of the stupid insurance. Even those aren't close to you, will still be upset over the news. You're not helping by committing suicide, you creating another burden for them. Putting the extra money for the funeral aside, there is one less person to bring food to home. When you are suicidal, think again. Its not what you earn that makes you precious to your family, its what you are. Money is never an issue to die for.

Lost

2010-02-12T05:42:00.001-08:00

Something's wrong with my onsugar blog. Won't be able to blog there.

Lying back on the grassy land. I looked up into the blue sky, tears begin to form at the corner of my eyes. I felt so lost without anyone. Nobody took any notice of me. Nobody would. They left one by one. There were voices of comfort at first, it grew to be chiding me, arguing which relative's house should I be dump at next. Continuous days of not eating left my health deteriorating. I held back a bitter laugh, I was just like my dad. The man whom I hate and love so much. I hate him for leaving me. But I love him for being the perfect daddy 6 months back.

I grew up in a single-parent family. Mum left when I was just 2 years old. My memories of her were foggy. There was a lady who fed me, play with me, went on picnics together. But there was never a sense of familiarity with her. She always remained as a scene through a frosted window. It was my dad I was close to. He was always there for me, whether I need him or not. I used to be bullied in school, for coming from a single-parent family. For having no mummy to pack my lunch, to pick me up after school. I grew up to be an insecure adolescent. People stay away from me and group work were always a nuisance. Some cliques will be forced to accept me. But I never let that bother me. I had my dad. That was all I wanted. But nothing goes your way. Fate had to interrupt our peaceful life and played a cruel joke on me. She brought away dad.

It was my 18th birthday. Dad never misses any one of my birthday. No matter how many jobs he take, no matter how busy he is. He never fails to surprise me every year. I'll never forget that fateful day. It was past midnight, I was already dozing off. But there was still no sign of dad and my heart begun to beat quick and fast. I heard a loud rap on the door and my heart skipped a beat. It has to be dad. I thought to myself as I sighed with relief and opened the door. I looked straight into a blue uniform and as I looked up, I saw an unfamiliar face.

"Is Miss Lin Jia Min in?" He asked.

"I am. Is something wrong?" I replied quizzically.

"I'm sorry for the unfortunate news," he paused for a while. Suddenly, something struck me and I knew I don't want to hear anymore. But he continued, "Your father was involved in a hit-and-run accident... He passed away on the spot."

I looked at him, frowning. I did not seem to understand what he was trying to say. It just doesn't make sense.

"My dad..is dead?" I wondered out loud.

"Yes. Can you please make a trip to confirm the body?"

"Yea.....sure.." I answered, nodding my head numbly.

The morgue was really quiet, but peaceful, instead of being eerie. I was led into a room and saw a body on the table. My instincts screamed for me to run away, but I insisted on talking a step forward. I could see the man clearly and its not a scene you would forget. His skin was pale white. His arms muscular. His hair tousled, high nose and closed eyes. If not for the big wound in his head, I would have thought he was sleeping. Suddenly, something stirred within me and tears welled on in my eyes, rolled down my cheeks dripped on to dad's arm. I stood there, not doing anything, sobbing silently. I refused to touch him, to interrupt this peaceful picture. But my tears continued flowing. It was hours before someone dragged me away. That was the last I saw of my dad.

I stopped eating after that. Only consuming when I was on the verge of dying. Some part of me was ripped out when dad died. There were relatives who pitied me and took me in. But one by one, they started to dread the mere sight of me. I was told that I had a bad influence on their kids. For those without, they will cook up with some ridiculous excuse just to kick me to the next relative in line. I led a meaningless life and was lost without my dad. I would visit the places we went so often, but i never cried after that day. I refused to shed another tear for the man who left me lost and alone in this inhuman world.

My eyes filled up with tears and it overflowed. The blue sky slowly lost its color and fade away. My eyes gradually close. I had never felt this lost.

Fiction

Unidentified objects

2010-02-09T06:51:00.001-08:00

That's what humans are. Unidentified objects. We can't identify ourselves. Can't identify our feelings towards one another. Creatures which aren't capable to identifying what they really want and what they really fear the most. Some think its losing a loved one, others may feel otherwise. Personally, its more of a case of being afraid that I, myself will be upset over the loss. Isn't that the case for most people. Or am I just inhuman? People come and go. Sure, you'll definitely be crying over the people you love. But on the other hand, you know you'll feel terrible because you've just lost a loved one. You'll do anything to get the burden off your mind, to the extent that you'll blame each and everyone you know. But does it actually make you feel better? If it doesn't, why do humans do it? Which bring us back to the original sentence. That humans are unidentified object. Who don't know what they want, how they feel, what they fear. Ironic that I'm one myself.

Wait. Don't stop.

Sorry for the white space.

2010-02-02T06:32:00.000-08:00

Been busy for like basically the whole week. But was lazy to post anw. Sorry! But homework seems to be lesser though. Maybe I've gotten used to it. My A-Math is still like shit. Failed both test. Can't fail the test on Thursday. Can't afford to. Well, I just blank out when I get the test paper. Maybe its a slight phobia? Definitely not an excuse. There's still Biology paper tomorrow. Studied, but the facts just don't get stuck in my brain. Ahhhh~~ Getting lazier and dumber by the second. Can't help it if I'm getting senile. You know, what if the world really ends in 2012, wouldn't I have wasted my time doing years of homework? I don't mind studying, but I do mind a lot doing the homework. Woww.. If the world does end in 2010, there's tons of things I didn't get to try. Don't anyohow think okay. I'm talking about other stuff. Pure stuff. Anw, don't think its gonna happen. The Mayans aren't so accurate. Plus, the Hades and Heaven will be overcrowded with so many people dying at once. Oh! I've randomly thought if something, the Apple iPad is the stupidest thing apple ever came up with. Its suppose to be an iPod and laptop combine? Like, seriously. Who would buy that weird too-big-for-iPod-too-small-for-lappy thing man. It just doesn't appeal to me that I should get something this stupid and its like, normal? I mean, there's no distinct feature that gives me reason to buy it. I don't think it'll sell well, will be a total failure, I guess.

Don't promise.

2010-01-25T05:00:00.000-08:00

You know, I have no freaking idea what's wrong with you. Either you want it or you don't. I'm not your toy. You know what? You are an asshole. Suck big time. This is so dumb. Just shut up, for goodness' sake.

2010-01-23T07:57:00.000-08:00

Noticed an interesting phenomenon. Things are not always what they seem. In fact, the more you think about them, the more you think it was absurd to to see it that way. But then again, sometimes, you just need to feel more optimistic about everything. When everyone feels the same way, nobody is different anymore. When you want to think the opposite. People think you're insane. But the fact probably is that everyone is insane and you're the only sane one. If one day, you do think that I'm insane, feel free to tell me 'cause I'll say,"Oh. Wonderful. I've been looking forward to this."

People who are named as 'lunatics' may be the only ones who saw how the real world looked like and found out about it. The sensible ones just refused to believe and trust only their own views. Human mind is a idea with endless possibilities. Feel it. Trust it. Believe it.

I'm just about to be labelled as one.

2010-01-15T06:49:00.000-08:00

Loads of homework this weekend. Bio, Chen, Phy, HCL....etc. I haven even finished one. And I'm most likely going to play badminton tomorrow. Think I'll bring my homework along. Try and see if I can do. Hmmm.. Quite tired now. For some reason that I can't seem to comprehend. I just feel like sleeping right now and here. Everything feels so un-realistic. Must be something wrong with my mind. I can't seem to like differentiate what is right and what's not. Not in the the sense like being a delinquent youth or what. Its like, I'm asking myself if this is what I should be doing. Or should I be like doing something else. Its hard to explain. I'll question myself if this is correct or what people assume to be. Why won't someone just go against tradition, not in a bad way, but just overthrow all that stuff we're supposed to do. Just to prove that whatever people before us said is not and should be a law that we aren't suppose to break. Like they say, there's a first for everything.

Okay, is there something wrong with my mind? Like, seriously. I feel like different like the world you see and the world i see ain't the same. You know what I mean? I seriously doubt so.

I don't know the world anymore.

Just like the way I feel about you.

2010-01-12T04:46:00.000-08:00

I do like the font below. Just that it won't stay. So forget it. I don't really mind anymore. Kinda lazy. Finished most of my homework, except for some A-Math questions. I suck at Math. Don't ask me why. I was born with that incapability. Anyway, CCA is starting this week. Somehow, I don't really look forward to it. I'm definitely getting lazier and can't be bother to do anything. I don't really give a damn. Then again, I wanna do well this year. 'Cause there's no choice. When things happen. There is always a reason. Don't ever think otherwise. There's a lot of things I wanna say, I wanna type. But somehow facing the computer, all the words are stuck in my throat. Facing people, its even worse. Its not that I don't trust you guys or what. Its just that, I have no idea how to get it out. I wasn't brought up that way. The communication I had with my parents is not one of pouring out troubles. Or rather, we all seem to be acting to each other. I wanna get everything out now. But I'm not trying to gain sympathy. I'm just too full right now.

God, send someone.

I beg you.

2010-01-08T06:14:00.000-08:00

Maybe it just hurts a little when I'm not your little girl anymore.

2010-01-08T04:03:00.000-08:00

Finally friday. The week was tedious. Had loads and loads of homework. Was dead tired. Then finally weekend so I haven touch the homework at all. But its not much anyway. Our math teachers are ridiculous. One is a god damn perfectionist and the other require us to write a journal. I mean, its math you know? Like, M-A-T-H. Who the hell write journal for maths? Crazy guy. Then went to future today with DyDy. Doesn't have much facilities over there. I totally prefer Pasir Ris Park. It has that cool sit-on-and-slide thing. Don't have any appetite now. Must have ate too much junk food. Need to stop and start exercising already. Lalala~

Nope, no way.

2010-01-04T03:07:00.000-08:00

Had the sec 1 orientation camp today. Was tiring. But it was fun, I guess. I was the facilitator for 1e3. They were super quiet at first. But started to bond after the ice - breakers. Then, they started to get really noisy and had trouble asking them to be quiet. But at least they got to know each other and bond together as a class. Better then nothing at all. Originally can go off at 2 plus but in the end I was RANDOMLY picked for the performance and had to stay back to practice. Will be singing 'Love Story' tomorrow night. But 'cause I have flu, I guess I will be sounding really weird. Just try to have fun. Going to stay overnight tomorrow also. Will be sleeping in the hall. Guys and girls together. This is the first camp that put guys and girls sleeping together. And I don't mean together as in sharing the same sleeping bag or what. Just in the same place. Will be tired tomorrow also. Can confirm. Miss DyDy.

Imagine.

2010-01-01T06:33:00.000-08:00

Didn't finish my homework..as usual. Should be getting the homework from Doreen anw. Wanted to change blogskin but found out that I can't download it to copy and paste in template/setting. Have to trouble Doreen then. *Angel smile* Feeling pretty sick now.. Practically can't smell anything. Plus, the worse of all, I don't have an appetite! Imagine me trying away 1/4 of Hagen Diaz coffee ice cream! Coffee! Grr... Wasted. Finally found my charger. It was mix up with my Aunt's stuff. Guess who did it? My mom. Brilliant. And I thought it was MY fault. Got scolded for losing it. Blamed for being careless. Quarrel over it. How ridiculous can one get? And you know what? There was a word of apology. Forget it. Parents are the same everywhere. Should have already gotten used to it. I know its not a big problem or what. But still, this shows how much parents are willing to give in and apologize. Will I become like that one day?

Don't.

2009-12-31T23:04:00.000-08:00

Finally going to get down and finish my holiday homework once and for all. Its okay I guess. Maybe except for the English, which I'm NOT going to do. Its stupid. Asking us to come up with 100 examples of bad use of English. If you want just look into our essays since the teachers are always complaining about how 'atrocious' our grammar is. Plus, the Higher Chinese homework is like a big 'HUH' to me. I downloaded the file and all that comes out is word and meanings of them. Are we like suppose to memorise them and have spelling like we're in primary school? Its so ridiculous. I know I should quite complaining but let me get it all out before I even start school. The A-Math is also a big mess for me. Kevin, would you mind letting us copying it down before you start explaining? Not all of us have super powered computers installed in our brains. Especially when its the holidays, when we're programmed to relax. Its only 2 days away before school starts. I guess it could have been a lot worse. Just keeping my fingers crossed and hope to get a good seat.

2009-12-31T07:08:00.000-08:00

You know what else my mom said about you?

She said you'd break my heart.

2009-12-27T07:09:00.000-08:00

向日葵的约定。当你知道自己爱的人是个 “特别” 的人。那有什么关系？你就是爱她。

不要改变你自己，你拥有的天真，是别人对流星呐喊的。当一切都显得无药可救，你却有超能力使一切便得美好。永远停留在十岁，不好吗？

2009-12-20T07:51:00.000-08:00

Realised how much I've change. How I use to spill everything out. How I keep everything inside me now. I guess it feels good spilling everything out. Thinking about people I used to like or have crushes on. Bitching about how freaking annoying others are. That was me. I don't know myself now. But I guess some change for the better, some change for the worse. I'm positively in the latter.

She was the good girl, the one I never was.

Isn't it funny?

I like you alot.

Used to.

I think.

2009-12-17T07:29:00.000-08:00

Ftw, the biker way.

2009-12-11T06:00:00.000-08:00

Went Chinatown today for the job selling Christmas cards. In the end didn't take it up 'cause decided that it wasn't worth it. To cut the long story short, we ate at Mcdonalds' and went off. After that, Doreen and me went Douby Ghuat and watched New Moon. It was superr! Really nice..for me. Since I'm on Team Jacob. Jake is so cute! But he is like so chaim. When Edward was here, he hardly see Bella. When Edward wasn't here, he was treated like a substitute. And what happens when Edward was back? They are JUST FRIENDS. You know what's the worse thing that Bella said to him? "It has been always him" wth. What do you mean by 'it has always been him'? You've been dreaming 'bout the time you two spent when your darling Edward was away? Dumb. What's more, she said "I love you" and "sorry". Great. So you mean "I'm sorry I love you" or "Sorry. Period. I love you."? It just plain stupid. I mean Jacob is the best buddy/boyfriend a guy/girl could get! Of course he isn't as perfect as Edward. But still, he is pretty cute, has an almost perfect personality and a honest to goodness guy! Don't you just melt when Jacob smiles/looks at you. Its like "This guy is so damn cute". He isn't really good looking or what. Its just that there is an irresistible urge to put on a huge smile when you see him. Okay. Or is that just me? No matter. He's just too cute!

How can you be THAT cute?

2009-12-10T06:25:00.000-08:00

Just talked to a motherfucking person. Scolded and let off steam already. Feels soooo much better after scolding it. Decided that shall not talk to it anymore, its wasting my precious time. Beside, talking to this uncouth beings will only lower my standards. What's the point? I'm going to be malevolent, forgive and forgot. I shall forget the incident and the being now =]

Keep on smiling and lessen the wrinkles.

2009-12-08T07:43:00.000-08:00

Is it the same?

The right place, the right timing, the wrong company.

I better be getting my brains checked. Inside out.

Its getting rusty, getting old.

I'm getting at the age of 14.

Woah.

Thats pretty young for me.

Lots of things are waiting for me to accomplish.

Lots of people I ache to love.

Lots me to discover.

It isn't the same anymore.

2009-12-03T06:23:00.000-08:00

Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want.

It is the realization of what you already have.

2009-12-01T05:23:00.001-08:00

Went out with e1 and mr teo yesterday. He was super generous, treated us to movie and Ben & Jerry. Watched 2012. Was quite nice actually, with some touching parts. Ben & Jerry was super nice. Then went to Bugis with Seryun, Vivien, Fena and Amanda today. We watched A Christmas Carol. It was a typical christmas story. A scrooge visited by ghost of christmas past, present and future and then become kind. But still, it was nice. Haven't seen them for a long time so was really happy. Missed them so much. After that, we went to the arcade at iluma. After playing then we realised level 7 had lots more games. Stupid or what. Then ran to my mom there 'cause I was late. Vivien and Amanda ran with me also. In the end, because of some reason, we went home together. I'm sorry. Dead tired now. Still need to wake up damn early tomorrow for school. Wish I can pon it.

秘密，不能说的秘密。。是吗？

2009-11-30T06:10:00.000-08:00

PEILIN~~ I FINALLY FOUND THE SONG!!!

五月天-終結孤單 go listen kay? ;D

2009-11-25T05:23:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since I post. People got Monday Blues and I'm getting the Holiday Blues. Its so damn stupid. I'm stuck at home with nothing to do! Plus, I'm gaining a respectable amount of fats just by sitting infront of the tube and the computer. Haven't been getting out of the house since like 14 years ago. And I haven't been exercising!! If I were to race with a tortoise right now, no doubt I'll lose. *yawn* This sounds super crazy. But I wanna go back to school...

Never doubt kids.

2009-11-20T00:10:00.000-08:00

Fuck You.

2009-11-18T04:58:00.001-08:00

Stayed at home the whole day. Was really bored. Woke up late (since when I woke up early :D). Ate mcdonald for breakfast. Watched tv, go online. Nothing to do. Doreen call and told me my appeal was successful and I got into history! Chatted for a while and went back to my mac again. We decided that we should go ice skating in the holidays. I suggested today and it started pouring -_-" Then played mahjong online..chatted...watched shows... It was a damn fruitful day man.

2009-11-16T06:12:00.000-08:00

Went MINDS today to do some volunteer work. Woke up at about 6. Was suppose to meet the others at 6.45. Apparently, I was late. But not later than Emillio and Aloysius (okay, I have no idea how to spell your name). Finished everything at 12 plus. It was quite fun, we played 'throwing and catching the plastic buttons'. We were super mature. Reminiscing our childhood. The lady there treated us to mcdonald breakfast. The students there were really friendly. After everything, Nicole, Peilin, Doreen, Yun and me took the MRT to city hall. Said 'goodbyes' to the guys. Nicole and Peilin took the red line. Then the 3 of us went to Raffles City to buy present. Then took the underpass to Marina Square. Because apparently, Yun craved for KFC when we could have subway, Carl's Jr, etc etc. Took a walk there and decided to go Bugis to search for dress. Window shopped at Bugis. And I saw this dress. It was really nice, at least I think it was. Doesn't look bad on me. Yun completed her mission to help me look for dress. So, I asked my mom to go there with me after Yun and Doreen went home. We bought the dress together with a couple of other things. The total amount was...wow. $178. I was like...'This is....' *speechless*. So, don't be too surprise/shocked/speechless if I turn up in a dress at Miss Neo's wedding. I swear I won't scare the freak out of you guys. Yun and Doreen was amazing. They can walk for hours without feeling tired. Then they complain about the 2.4. I can't understand them. But still, it was a nice experience just to walk around aimlessly, looking at clothes and all that. Thanks for everything =]

永远

2009-11-12T05:56:00.000-08:00

Woke up quite early today. Ate breakfast with grandma at kfc. And I saw this weird uncle with his baby. His voice was damn loud and he actually put his child into the baby chair, slide him across the restaurant! I was like what the hell, the man is crazy. But the boy looked quite happy ;D Then came home read and watched until 3 plus. I went to meet doreen and sock yii at compass. Then went I was halfway to my lrt station, doreen sms me and said meet at kangkar instead. But at the same time. By the time I reach kangkar. I was like 20 mins earlier ;D Waited for them. [thanks for the water - doreen] Took the lrt to anchorvale cc. Changed and swam. I was super s-l-o-w ;D But I like the water anyway =] Went home at around 6 plus. By the time I got home, it was already 7.30 and my curfew was 7. But mummy and daddy wasn't home yet. So...it was okay ;D Then now home, just finished talking to doreen. It was more like she talking and I was just day-dreaming =P sorrrryy! Was too engrossed in the show :D

难得

2009-11-11T00:37:00.000-08:00

stayed at home these few days. getting bored. School seems much more better now. Weird huh. Just a few weeks ago, I was complaining about school being boring. Ironic. Should have gotten used to it. Happening every holidays. Feel like sleeping right now. Tired. There must be something wrong with my body system. I just slept for 11+ hours and I'm feeling sleepy right now. Furthest thing from normal. Think I'm going swimming tomorrow with Doreen and Sock Yi. At least I think I am. If I were to go swimming right now, no doubt that I'll just drown. Push my head into the water and I won't even resist. I'll be glad for the cover, for the silence.

想什么都不知道吗？

太迟了.

2009-11-09T08:59:00.000-08:00

今天去看了医生，胃病又来了。还不是跟以前一样，不能喝冷水，要戒口，之类的。听多了，觉得好腻哦。但也只好听医生的话，有什么办法。难道真的去找死啊。到了晚上，去吃的食物，根本称不上是 “ 食物 ” ，好不好。都不是人吃的。。地方又脏，好嘛，不是我要嫌。但那里真的很夸张好不好。明天还要回学校交东西。老师又交我回去，都放假了，哪个白痴会回去啊。

不要问我为什么用华文，我就是想这么做。

我也相帮你们，但我不知到我能干嘛。

我不想加重负担，我不想成为负担。

那我是什么？

2009-11-07T00:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to Yun and Wen!! :D

Sorry, quite late because I was out the whole day. =P

Many happy returns of the day =]

Stay happy and chio okay ;D

2009-11-05T05:51:00.000-08:00

Stayed at home the whole day. Was quite bored actually. Watched 下一站，幸福 and 桃花小妹. Even though I woke up late, still felt super sleepy. Used the computer for the whole day and just watched videos here and there. Been listening to songs and if you guys wanna, you know listen to songs or what i recommend these [ but mostly chinese :D ]

- 说谎［林宥嘉］

- 红豆［方大同］

- 解high人［林宥嘉］

- 若你遇见他［蔡健雅］

- Nothing's gonna change my love for you［方大同］

My main idea is..to get you guys to listen to 林宥嘉 de new songs :D His new album is finally out!! Plus, its really nice. Must listen. Going back to Pei Hwa tomorrow to get streaming results and to see Mr Teo. Won't be seeing him for long though. He is..not going to teach anymore. But, no matter where he goes. We all wish him to stay happy and not to forget us.

I regret.

2009-11-04T21:13:00.000-08:00

This post is specially dedicated to Chan Rui Wen [ you should feel honored ]

- Wen [ for the times we ate together and washed together :D ]

Plus, I'm sorry. 'Cause I forgot to mention you in the last post :D

Forgive me kay? :D

Cheers to 'TRANSPARENCING' :D

2009-11-04T04:34:00.000-08:00

Heyy. I'm finally back from camp! The camp was okay. Not really very fun 'cause I think too much theory. Okay, not me, is the whole camp :D Now at home. Starting to ache here and there. Felt super sleepy when I reached home. Originally wanted to watch 下一站，幸福. But in the end succumb to sleepiness :D Don't wanna talk about camp already. Since it was basically lectures here and there. But there are people I wanna thank for making the camp super wonderful and fun =]

- Doreen [ seems only right that I thank her first :D ]

- Peilin [ for being my roomie and washroom-mate :D ]

- Nicole [ for willing let me whack :D]

- XueQi [ for being there :D ]

- Jelson [ for making everything like super funny :D ]

- Veronica [ for making the camp enjoyable :) ]

- Wei keong(not sure how to spell =P) [ for the laughing times together :D ]

- Zhong hao [ for being eccentric ]

- Jermaine [ for being uber cute :D ]

- Wing yin [ for being super scary early in the morning :D ]

- Adilah [ even though I didn't talk to you much, you know I still love you :D ]

- Adrielle, Hillary & Sarah plus all my cabin mates [ for being understanding as I was always late opening the cabin :D ]

- Mr Teo [ for coming to visit us even when it is far and had to leave your wife at home :D ]

- 2e1 [ for being there and all that we've done together :D ]

All those whom I failed to mention, I still thank you guys for making the camp memorable =]

I missed all of you when I was at camp too =]

I wanna hug..

2009-10-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

saturday! first day of holidays!! had pizza treated by mr teo yesterday. thankyous =] but yesterday was quite sad. today okay le. still msn and sms ma :D it'll be okay ;D later going to bugis to get my 1 litre water bottle and sneakers and jacket [maybe]. looking forward to the bbq :D will be super fun ;D

说好永远不分开多假多假多假

2009-10-28T05:41:00.000-07:00

attitude towards parents is really bad these few days. just like don't like to talk to them, keep to myself more than necessary. become like 'stay at home kid' alr. 宅女 :D hees. must ask me out more often kay. or else later i really don't go out, anti-social *_* staring at the pc day after day. 0_0

!!! ;D 2 more days to holidays. looking forward..looking forward ;D

叮噹- 我愛他歌词:

他的镜框留在某一节车厢
地下铁里的风比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊

对他唯一(如果还有)遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来

我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最重的荒唐

如果还有遗憾又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖越多的空白
该怎么去爱
我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来

我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最重的荒唐

如果还有遗憾又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了就能好了吗
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

2009-10-26T06:33:00.000-07:00

我听不见

我看不见

我什么都不知道

也没有兴趣知道

2009-10-26T04:43:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry.

For whatever I did.

For whatever I regret.

For whatever that hurt you.

2009-10-25T06:29:00.000-07:00

trying to jailbreak my ipod now. can tell its not working. need like 1 whole hour to finish downloading quickpwn. stupid. anw, to all who wanna jailbreak your ipod touch, try this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHw0I0qSeAQ

but don't download quickpwn from there, won't recognize your ipod de. but can go dev team de blog to download from another link. not bad. jailbreak once but didn't work, so here am i, trying again. with hopes to get free apps :D been playing cafe world in facebook recently. wasn't to bad but need to wait for the food to cook. damn bored now. anyone wants to chat?

btw,

to doreen: choose what you want. don't care the fuck about others =]

it may be a little vulgar..but you get my idea right?

i'm heading for triple science. who cares if its geog or not. just get into the class and study. pass or fail....depends le :D so now is the time to relax.

to tyrone: stop studying!! by the time we see you next year you will have gone crazy.

and relaxing is what i do best =P sure will score 100 for this de. now super bored. any games to recommend. best is don't need download de.

sorry if I didn't understand.

sorry if I'm not what you expect.

sorry.

2009-10-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

results were horrible =P but now sick. coughing. got mc for tomorrow :D heehee :D nov still got leadership camp. but is not those kind of adventure camp, is like mostly planning and indoors de ba. =[ sounds boing. haiz. still got class chalet I also cannot go. One say dangerous. one say cause i need to help uncle at iluma. great. at least i'll be in the shopping mall all day long :D not bad. but will be a little boring ba. see how it goes...

后悔

2009-10-16T00:58:00.000-07:00

At times when you feel stupid, depressed and disappointed, you will find everyone else annoying. And even if they are not, you'll make sure yourself to find something out of them that irritates you. Isn't that what ignorant and stupid humans do? I suppose I'm in the category of ignorant and stupid then. Because that is simply what I'll do - frustrate myself even more. Complain even more without looking at others around me. Without caring about them. I won't say sorry, 'cause that wouldn't be a true one. I won't really mean it. If I don't, what for apologize? For long period of time, it become part of me. The way that I refuse to apologize. The way that I continue to annoy myself and others. I'm beginning to find how hideous I was and still is. The way it no longer become a thing of truthfulness but how I do not like to apologize and feel myself vulnerable. It turns out to be a case of insecureness. Why I don't cry infront of others, why I do not like saying 'I'm sorry' and why I refuse to let others come in. It all burns down to the hatred of being vulnerable. Sounds like a typical teenager since the dawn of time? Maybe and maybe not. There are parts of me which I do like. Which I do appreciate. But many needs the problem I have with being vulnerable to survive. My stubborn, my ability to not show my true feelings. My ability to fake through everything as though its not my life. I think its too late to change back. I don't know who is the real me anymore. The mask had sunk in. Its too late.

I'm sorry.

2009-10-14T00:08:00.000-07:00

finally finished exams today. got back science section a and b de results. summarize in a word: sucks. i got 45/70. wonderful. can someone tell me how bad that is? from the way I'm looking it, I'll probaly get a B4 if I'm lucky. This is so freaking stupid. just shut the fuck up. Please. I don't wannna know. Not anymore. Just leave me alone. I need it. I need someone to hold on to, not someone who leaves me when they feel like it. Not somone who holds me just because you need it. Not someone like you. Get out of my life.

Some one to hold on to.

2009-09-25T06:52:00.000-07:00

had a long talk with weitao just now. and its still going on =] haiz. I'm really getting mood swings these few days. I'm really like depressed. Cause of all thats happening right now. I'm really numbed. Stop telling me that you're suffering. For me, thats putting it mildly. I'm practically dying. The whole inside of me. Its horrible, hideous. I want to cry. I really want to. Can I? Without causing trouble, without having you guys to worry? This is stupid. Seriously. I just need you guys to understand me. Is that such a hard thing to do?

Stop. Right here. Right now.

2009-09-24T07:50:00.000-07:00

Had chinese and science test today. The chinese one was horrible I totally flunk it. Science was not bad. Then went to the table tennis competition. Didn't play. But lost anw. Lrt-ed home at 4 plus. Then had mavis, was slacking for the 2 hours there. Played words game and 'zhong ji mi ma'. Didn't even got once. The only once was when they sabo me :D Ate kfc after that and now watching 'ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni'. The new badminton coach came alr, I think. Looking forward to badminton tomorrow.

You know what, please stop complaining to me that you are tired, you are feeling so depressed, you suspect having depression. Please, for god's sake, you aren't the only one. I'm also suffering but not saying a word. You think by spitting it all out, things will get better? Sorry so spoil your dream, but they won't. So stop bothering me with your worries. I mean, I'm okay if you speak to me sometime, telling me your things. But, you are saying it as though I don't have a worry in this world. I do. I'm telling you that, I do have my worries. Seriously, I'm sick of all this. You tell me you have depression, do you even know how it feels like?

You feel suicidal.

2009-09-22T06:43:00.000-07:00

Exams are around the corner already. Everything seems so fast, like blurring in front of my eyes. This is soooo stupid. Going through the same thing every year. Seriously, I need to buck up and get good results if i want my toy poodle, which I think I won't be getting it too fast. This is so totally not like me to get so nervous and study. Guess I won't be scoring so well this time. I'm really worried about it. If I don't do well this time..I don't know what will happen. I'm really scared. Where are you?

I really need you. Where are you?

2009-09-21T05:17:00.000-07:00

hooked on 'the time traveler's wife' these few days. Its really nice. Recommended by me =] Halfway through it. I wanted to go jogging today but it rained. Too bad =] seriously! Not that I was lazy :D Was halfway through dinner when I suddenly realised tomorrow's timetable is changing to monday's. Was in a horrible mood the whole day. People were like eyeing me as if I was some dangerous animal that should be caged. I probably am. Didn't know what triggered me. If was like someone flip a switch inside me and all I could do was to lash out at someone. I've trying to get out of people's ways the whole day but just when I wanna be alone. People are suddenly all around you. My mood swings are really bad these few days. I would be smiling and cracking jokes and the next moment I would be glaring at you. Haiz. I'm seriously feeling depressed at the moment for all sorts of reasons. Can you just leave me alone? I'm getting really tired. This is so stupid. I need my space. My patience has a limit. I think you've just reached it. Get out. Now. Seriously, you are getting on my nerves. I'm practically breaking my neck trying to stop myself from screaming at you.

But you can't, because you didn't.

2009-09-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

last day of school for the week. was quite bored cause didn't have badminton today. was used for the motivation workshop. then when i went to hall that evening, it was empty. retarded. went pei hwa cafe to eat with pei lin and xue qi. after that went back school, wanted to get some papers from mr chng de. turns out he was out of school cause of odac. then went home. was really scared when i got ijnto to lift. cause of that stupid 4bia trailer i saw today. i was really and thoroughly shaken. nevermind, don't wish to recall back again. then went downstairs and bought magazine. cause there was a big poster of new moon. gotta tell doreen ;D now watching why why love. didn't really caught every episode cause its showing from 11.30 - 1..i think. i'll always fall asleep halfway through the show. anw, watched 2 movies today. one was a repeat. which is ponyo. the other was up. wasn't really interested in up partly cause the quality was really bad. the other reason was cause i was watching 'ming zhong zhu din wo ai ni' on channel u aat the same time and it doesn't have any quality problem ;D watch commercials today in home econ class. i like the beer one with 'can't take my eyes off you' didn't hear that song for a long time, was nice to recall how much i love it.

I actually can take my eyes off you..

2009-09-16T22:15:00.000-07:00

had home based learning today again . But cause I don't know got new assignment. Then woke up damn late. But the advantage was that I didn't need to wait to log in. There wasn't any data overload whatnot. Then reading eclipse again. Enjoyed it a lot. And actually waiting for untempted to be out. Left history on so far, plus the tee we have to design. I seriously have no talent in the area of art. Though I do love music. All those that include talking up your pencil, one word to describe me: sucks. Its sucks to draw and my drawing sucks too. Breakfast was putted off to let me complete my work. That was a first. Usually my stomach come before my work or my brain. Gaining weight these few days, since I'm like stuck at home. Was actually planning to go jogging yesterday. But you know, the weather was hideous. Not that I don't want to go exercising, it was the weather...seriously! :D

Its a fairytale, one with no happy endings.

2009-09-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

going to have home based learning from tmr onwards. till thur. should be interesting... will get to watch my shows while doing school work :D doesnt sounds bad. bought alot of chocolate home today. hope to be happy by eating loads of it. i can tell its not woking, at all. had mavis today, was totally not in the mood for math. ended up copying most of the answers. haiz. i'm having mental decline. anw, bought cleo today. cause there is news one kristen.s and robert.p. were saying if they are off screen lovers. hope the are. cute :D then did my sci homework. still got lots haven do arh.. haiz. two days only still need to give out so much work. cruel. abuse arh. now half-watching legend of the condor heroes. damn freaking interesting. my eyes are obviously closing alr. just that i dont wanna sleep. seriously. switched to channel u. its the show bout telling you sorry to someone, but its too late or what. which i agree totally. cause when you wanna apologize, its alr too late. i know people say 'its not too late to apologize'. but there has to be limit. and there will be a limit to everything.

2009-09-14T06:10:00.000-07:00

you know i've read a few blogs. and found that the world out there isnt much of a difference to mine. everyone is feeling all depressed and frustrated. trouble in love life, family problems, homework. etc. life, is really fair isnt it? everybody has their fair share of depressed things. and fair share of optimistic. its just what you make out of it. and i just realised that today. am i stupid or what? but looks like i didnt made anything decent out of my 'fair share'. ironic. here am i telling you guys bout how to be contented. and here am i telling you guys how depressed i am. maybe i've got split personality. who is the real me? i think the mask is getting nearer and nearer. trying to pass off as me..

if you let me, 'll say i'm sorry.

if sorry wont help. nothing will.

当你什么都不知道，那将会是大家所说的：幸福。

2009-09-12T06:51:00.000-07:00

the cup is either half empty or half full. never really full or totally empty. isnt that how human life is suppose to work? but seems that i've drank most of mine in my earlier days. and now i'm paying the price for it by getting with less than most people are getting through. less water. less sun. less optimistic attitude. i'll never understand why god chose to put me under the category of humans. when i know i dont fit in. when i know how hard it is not to breathe but choose to suffocate myself to feel that i exist.

if you let me, i'll say i'm sorry.

2009-07-04T08:14:00.000-07:00

the world is what you wished it wasnt.

things never go your way and you start getting depressed.
in the end you end up being the loner. going into the shadows while others shine.
you'll never know what you really want. what you really need.
you cant speak to anyone. you just wanna hide behind.
'its not my fault' thats what you think.
maybe i've got some psychological problems?
you just dont wanna own up. face the reality.
you didnt want to grow up.
and you suck big time.

coping at home is gonna help and
escaping is the solution to the problems.

Ask any loser.

2009-06-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

long time dint post alr. cause i was lazy larh =P

went to project tap de camp. was super fun.

our grp was call... OREO!!!

nice name eh? ;D

then our wonderful facilitators:

- siti

- derek ;D

grp members:

- seri

- kina

- geraldine

- bei fang

- mirza/ daniel

- xiaver

- esther

- mmeeee!!

all were super fun and enthu!!

i lovee you guys ;D

then we won the best team spirit prize ;D so proud of it

and guess what i brought home

raisins ;D HAHAHA

they'll be meeting up on friday..yeaa..i cant go =[

partly 'cause it'll be my BIRTHDAY *hint.hint*

and i'll still be in malaysia.

yayaya. i know it'll be like

'wha?! but butbut got h1h1 ehh!!'

i know..but so far so good. haven caught ANYTHING yet =D

actually its okay over here, smtimes quite bored =P

anw, sorry doreen. i couldnt pei you to mavis, twice!

i'll make it up to you okay? someway or another ;D

2009-06-17T07:02:00.000-07:00

i hate lying.

but what could i say?

nothing.

2009-06-04T01:02:00.000-07:00

wheeeeeeeeee~~
holidays finally here ;D
this june lots of movies i wanna watch
but feel super lazy, so probably wont go out alot?
idk
then 19 to 21 got camp. and you know what?
21 is fathers' day. hope will get back home early and celebrate =]
haiz.
really bored this time. nothing to do.
only ah ma and me at home. haiz.

i miss kegan and germaine

2009-05-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

i'll never know what to say to you
facing you,
i'll never have the courage..to speak up

that retarded genius

2009-05-17T05:32:00.000-07:00

exams finally over le. so tired =]

let me summarise:

english - was kinda okay..
maths - paper 1 was average; paper 2 was horrible, spent like 1/2 hr on graph -_-
science - was horrible too [set by mr teo]
geog - EEEEEE!! dint manage to finish [by mrs ali, who plan to kill all sec 2]
lit - okay ba; not too bad
D&T - was normal, the drawings not too bad..
chi - was very okay..
higher chi - was normal..the average standard
chi listening - was horrible as usual

overall, lets pray hard i get my toy poodle =]

curiously horrible

2009-05-03T05:19:00.000-07:00

mid-year coming must jiayou. been studying for the past
2 weeks. super hardworking eh? hahaha ;D
mummy say if i get first will get me my toy poodle.
pray hard i'll get my toy poodle =]

i'll never understand
the way of your logic..

2009-04-17T05:20:00.000-07:00

i miss you.
i need you.
i love you.

its pure shit anyway.
you'll never realise....
retarded.

2009-04-17T05:17:00.000-07:00

had captain ball on wednesday, we got third ;D
i was the captain!! muahahahahah =D
anw, we going tmc again tmr. haiz
early in the morning, retarded.

I'm sorry.

2009-04-12T00:20:00.000-07:00

went to temasek jc ytd. and will be there next week too. not cause we got in the finals. is because next week still got theory.

anw, when we go there the was breakfast provided, but nicole break fast only at 1 so she cannot eat. then was breifing.
we were suppose to purify the dirty water to water that can be drank. we tried many ways. filtered it first then we do disalination. in the end suppose to have 30 ml of water we only have 25ml. haiz.
the pH was 8.1. okay ba.

after that we sat bus home. oh ya, the bus we sat when going to tjc was a striking yellow sunflower bus!! was so freaking nice. then the bus back was those big bus, so..okay lah.
then we had a student helper too. rachal. i think thats how you spell her name. she was quite good arh. her science must be like, wow. she help us too, so thankyou =]

ltr going mavis alr, melvin de. at 4.15

2009-04-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

today good friday, so no school. stayed at home the whole day. then got relatives come, so its, cannot do this, cannot do that. haiz.
sms with eden for the whole day.
then vivien called and sms-ed.
went out to eat all veggie dinner, suits eden =D
so back home now, blogging.

tmr going to temasek jc with nicole, emillio, lester and plus plus. sorry if i forget you =P
its for the science thingy, like we will win..
dont even know the things lor. plus, we need to be in school by 8.
see mr teo on a saturday, its so interesting.
definitely bored.

2009-04-06T02:52:00.000-07:00

still coughing today..
gotten worse.

then need to hand in loads of things, but dint get them from many people.
peilin also dint come today, sick.
must get well soon, kay?

tomorrow going for excursion, AVA
1.30 - 5.30
will be skipping tuition as well.
taking the extra lessons on wed.

then wed got maths test.
must study !!!

2009-04-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

created a blog again.
cause needed somewhere to write and write and write..

so here am i, creating a blog again. =]

am sick right now, keep coughing.
last few days had fever, temp : 39.7 ;D
very proud of it. haas =D
had mc for two days, so must hao hao li yong.
then got a thingy on speech day.

so to conclude :

- was sick
- have tuition [ tue ; thu ]
- have loads of homework

and thus, am signing off now..